I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
