my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
