I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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