Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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