covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
