I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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