He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
