...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
