You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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