Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
