I am puke
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
