Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
