we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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