I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
