Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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