We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
