I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
