Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize