You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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