Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
