If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
