wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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