everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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