why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
