never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
