im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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