ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
