You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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