we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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