i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
