saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
