he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
