Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
