I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
