I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
