yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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