I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize