I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
