Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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