my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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