He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
