I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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