I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
