My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
