Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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