maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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