So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
