erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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