she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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