It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
