I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
