You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
