no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
