You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
