I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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