I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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