sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
