I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
