I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
