My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
