He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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