I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
