recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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