I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
