the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
