omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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