Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
