i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
