K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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