i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is Oprah even human
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
