i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
