the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
