Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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