so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
