Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
