I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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