He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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