youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
